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47391629_218022855766036_7897445495763632128_nHave you ever had a nagging thought that pops up one day and follows you around everywhere you go? The song “Mary Did you know?” has been rolling around in my mind for about a week now. One of my favorites around Christmas time, but this week it has been frustrating me. I listen as the singers ask Mary a myriad of questions.

Mary did you know that your baby boy was Lord of all creation? Did you know that your baby boy would give sight to a blind man? Did you know that your baby boy is Heavens’ perfect plan? That sleeping child your holding is the great I AM?

The voice in my head tells me “Of Course she knew these things. If she had even a rudimentary knowledge of scriptures she would know the answers to these questions. And she was told by an angel directly. That should have given her a good idea. Right? OK, Sometimes the voice in my head is snarky! LOL! This week that voice is telling me that I want answers to other questions.

The questions I want to ask her are: Mary Did you know that your baby boy was the fulfillment of Isaiah 53? That he would be hated, beaten, hung on a cross, naked. Mary did you know that your baby boy would carry the sins of this world on his shoulders and sweat blood in agony over my sins.

Did this young mother have to deal with not only the shame of what was being said about her during her pregnancy, but also the thought that her sweet baby was destined to die? And if she did know, did she know when? Did she know how?

I can’t help but think that hers was a pregnancy of both Joy and grief, knowing that she carried God’s only son. Was she always waiting, not knowing if today was the day that she would loose her son?

I am the grandmother of a special needs child. We knew from the very beginning of the pregnancy that there was a high chance that this precious child would be born having an unknown but shortened life span. I’ve seen the toll it is taking on my son and Daughter in law as they care for and worry over their new son. Always turning those cares over to the Lord only to find that new cares have taken the place of the old ones.

Did Mary feel the same? Did she struggle with depression, fears, and sadness? Did she think herself inadequate? Did she struggle with living up to the responsibility, finding herself falling short, tired, worried, waiting, wondering? When King Harod ordered the infant males killed, and the angel warned them to flee, did her heart ache with fear wondering if this might be it!

If she had, would you have questioned her faith? I think not! Why? Because after all we know that God had chosen her, picked her out of all history, to be the mother of God. We tell ourselves that God would strengthen her and make her this super hero mom who always had that peace that passes understanding, because it fits our narrative of the prefect mom. But that is just not how God works! Mary was human, fallible. She had the same thoughts, struggles and I’m sure, at times depression, just like all moms everywhere.

Over the 38 years I have been a mother I have struggled with fear, anxiety, inadequacies, panic attaches, mega stress, worry and complete physical exhaustion to the point of cataplexy. I’ve known the fears of caring for severely ill children, that at the time, I didn’t know if they would live or die. I have heard a child stop breathing from a room away in the middle of the night, because my vigilance kept me in a state of light sleep not allowing me to go any deeper.

Motherhood is hard in normal everyday circumstances, the hardest job on the earth I believe. But for single moms or mothers of special needs children and those who suffer from depression it is a mind field, a war zone. As a Christian community we need to gather around and help to hold these precious ladies and their families up. making sure not to judge their faith. (Trust me they are doing that already!) No They need our encouragement, blessings and love. If you know someone who is struggling as a mom, let us be moved to action with compassion. Take them a meal; offer to do their laundry, clean their house, baby sit while they go grocery shopping or while they go see a movie that you buy them tickets for.


To you precious Mommy

Know that God has chosen you out of all the mothers in all of History to be the mom of your precious children/child. He is with you and He is not disappointed in your faith. In fact, He is training you into a mighty warrior woman. But boot camp hurts, and It’s inconceivably hard, and overwhelming at times, I know.

Hold on to Jesus, He will see you through till the sun shines in your life again and your relationship with Him will be so much richer and sweet. Be encouraged dear one.


Isaiah 43:2 (NKJV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.


The movie IMPOSSIBLE  (Link attached to title) reminds me of this scripture. Though you may feel like you are being swept away, thrashed by the waves and debris, at times going under, GOD HAS NOT LOST SIGHT OF YOU. HE IS NOT DEAF TO YOUR CRIES. Though you may get deeply wounded and feel all alone, GOD IS orchestrating a beautiful life story/ testimony. HE WILL place you on dry ground again and YOU WILL see His hand in all of it. Till then grab on to the cross and don’t let go.